I had a completely different topic to write about today, but a friend said something to me about my parenting and a light went off in my brain. Thanks Edward Paris!

Growing up, I loved my parents like any person would and they loved me and my brothers the best way they could. My mom especially, she doted on us with all she had to offer, but was firm when she needed to be. My dad was a lot tougher on us, he was and is the strong, stoic type. The relationship with my mom was great don’t get me wrong, but it was missing that thing that you could only get from a father.

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” -Proverbs 22:6-

The relationship I wanted with my dad was one that he simply couldn’t provide, because he wasn’t taught how to give that kind of love.

As I came into my teenage years my disappointment began to turn into frustration and anger toward him. I just didn’t care that he didn’t know how, he could learn. I didn’t care that our Haitian culture wasn’t catered to men talking and nurturing their sons, he could try. Just going to work and bringing home a check was not love in my eyes.

As I entered my 20’s I knew I wanted kids by 26, because I wanted to love and be loved the way I had envisioned it. Whether I had a boy or girl, I was determined to be the kind of father I had always longed for. With that being said, I fell into the same tropes of bad fathering my dad did, though I had promised myself and my son in the belly that I wouldn’t.

I did many things differently than my father, but ultimately I was so focused on providing that I was missing out on what was truly important. The time I didn’t afford him because I was tired from working all day or I just wanted time to relax when he just wanted time with me. More than a few times my wife had to tell me that me that I was there physically, but mentally I was miles away. I was failing at something that was so important not just to me, but my little man as well.

One time, I overheard my son telling his cousin that his dad was always tired or doing his thing and all I could think was “DANG“. That moment brought me back to my own childhood and I decided at that moment to make a change. I prayed every prayer I could, because it was going to take more strength than I had to make things better. Only with the help of God were things going to change.

“Discipline your son, and he will give you the rest; he will give delight to your heart.” -Proverbs 29:17-

It started with something small like we would have Burger King Wednesdays just the two of us and we would talk about what he’d learned in school. Little did I know I had begun to instill consistency in his life by doing that.

To see how much things have changed in the last few years is truly amazing, the things we have in common are plenty and where we differ is just interesting. He’s a Math Whiz and I am most definitely not, he got that from his mom, thank the Lord. The joy I hear in his laughter while we’re reading or he’s explaining the latest thing he likes to me makes me feel like we’ve made strides in the right direction.

When people tell me I am a great dad, as great as it is to hear my answer is always the same “I’m trying”. My mistakes are many when it comes to being a father, but everyday I put the effort in to lessen those mistakes, so my sons can have that love and support that is needed from a dad. FYI it’s great to have a wife that catches you when you slip. I do wish that the relationship had been different with my dad when I was younger, but I am grateful for it, because it taught me how not to be. My dad and I are great now we have a lot in common that I didn’t know about as a kid and he’s a completely different person with his grandkids. It makes me laugh seeing them interact the way they do, it’s pure comedy and love.

Thank you for reading this blog today, you are appreciated. God bless you! and don’t forget to keep “Chasing God’s Way/ve.”