Being married for 11 years by the time you’re 35 years-old is something that I didn’t really expect to happen to me. Yet, the moment I met my wife I knew something was different about the relationship we were about to cultivate. It was strange when we met because I was never really the one to initiate conversations and that’s exactly what wound up happening that night. I had a horrible week and I just figured getting shot down by a beautiful girl was the least of my worries. At 22 I’d had enough of the dating scene and had given up on finding someone to love or someone to love me, but thankfully God had other plans for me. When I asked this girl for her number she told me “I don’t give my number to guys, but you can give me your number”. When I heard that I automatically thought it was over before it started, because I have heard that line before and it meant that I was being let down easy. I’m glad to say that I was totally wrong on that assumption.

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” -1 Corinthians 16:14-

Marriage is the hardest job I have ever had in my life and I mean that whole heartedly. I had big misconceptions about what it meant to be married to another human being with their own thoughts, emotions and dreams. The first few months of marriage were pretty smooth which from what I’ve heard from other couples was par of the course. By that time I thought that everything would just fall into place from finances to kids. In my mind it was all just going to work out for the better and then life was just dead set throwing curve balls at us. My wife and I shared our thoughts and dreams about the future like most people do before you get married, but we didn’t realize we still had to learn to know each other on new levels even after two years dating. Once we started living together we began to notice habits in one another that we hadn’t known about and that started some arguments that would escalate because neither one us would back down. I’m naturally a laid back individual and sometimes it’s to a point where it seems like I don’t care and really wouldn’t even make an effort to change for the sake my marriage. In my wife’s case she would be so focused on what she wanted that she would push too hard and say hurtful things without regards to my feelings. We would sit there and justify the way we spoke to each other because of pride and ego. A day would go by without us speaking to each other and we’d get home later and apologize for being unreasonable and not listening , but the same fight would happen again some where down the line. After a while I would just agree with her just to end that round of jab throwing, but that did nothing for us, we weren’t growing or fixing the problem. We lost something that we didn’t realize was of the utmost importance. We were not keeping God in the middle of our marriage, we wouldn’t even pray together. By leaving Jesus out of our relationship we unknowingly left a door open for the world to tell us how we should treat our union.

“ And now these three remain, faith, hope and love. …” -1 Corinthians 13:4-8-

My wife and I have battled many times over many different things over the years and that will probably remain true for rest of our years. Having the love of God in your marriage changes how those disagreements are had and how your words and tone are different. Now when we have a spat I listen to understand and respond after I’ve composed myself, because sometimes what your partner has to say to you is hurtful and you have to be able to see past yourself. Let God guide your ears, words and heart, because if I speak without first acknowledging that she was convicted to speak her truth everything I say will be wrong. Reacting purely off of the hurtful words I just heard would prompt me to respond with hurtful words of my own and that solves nothing it really just adds fuel to the fire. The crazy thing is when you think you’ve won an argument and now you and your spouse are now looking at each other awkwardly and you still have to sleep under the same roof. Learning to love someone for real is hard work, because you have to be willing to put your pride aside and for me sometimes that’s like chewing an overcooked steak. It will always be rough when there is no compromise, love is only part of the marriage equation.

“There is no fear in love.” -Peter 4:8-

My wife was the first of us to change then slowly but surely I got there as well. Simply trying to will your marriage to succeed just can’t work, you need something more and that’s where Jesus comes in he’s that something extra. That common ground you’re looking for when you and spouse are at odds. That olive branch you need to start a new apologetic conversation, that’s what Jesus’ example teaches us. I for one have a better marriage now that I know where to look when I need some advice concerning my life long partnership.

Thank you for taking time to read this blog today, I hope that my words have helped you in some way. Remember your spouse is a way/ve you should always chase. God Bless and never forget to keep Chasing God’s Way/ve.