Every so often, I ask myself, am I a good parent? Am I a good father? The honest answer is not always, and the reasoning is relatively simple. I am not always prepared for what parenthood or fatherhood will present next. There are moments when it feels like everything is going great. The kids are happy and getting along, and I wish it would stay like that forever. Then that time comes when you have to put out a fire like only a parent can. Sometimes punishments need to be handed out, or lessons need to be taught and learned respectively. In the past, I would get angry and raise my voice. Feeling like their fear of me would lead them to not want to do wrong again. I mean, that’s how my dad handled it, so that had to be the way, right? I could not have been more wrong. As a kid, I would get yelled at and disciplined, but I didn’t learn the proper lessons. If I had legitimately done something wrong, I wouldn’t do it again, but the times when the action was questionable, I learned not to get caught doing it again. Now, this is not a knock on my dad because there is no way he could teach me what he didn’t learn. The one thing my dad’s way did was to drive a wedge between us because I felt like I wasn’t being heard. In adulthood, I see the error of my ways, Though I occasionally raise my voice. I do my best to listen to my sons and why they feel they must make a specific decision. From there, I’ll begin the course correction.

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” -Ephesians 6:4–

Before I came back to Christ, I was a very different person. Anger had a stronghold that I didn’t know how to overcome. Then when my first son was born, I remember this feeling of euphoric joy that came over me when I saw him open his eyes. I cried joyfully, thinking I could make things right through him. Not that I even understood what that meant at the time. How could I pour into this child what hadn’t been poured into me? I gave him everything I wanted as a kid: toys, games, sneakers, clothes, and MY TIME. All those things seemed right and felt right, but they weren’t right. I was not teaching him the ways of God, but I was showing him Dragonball Z, sports, and all the other things I was interested in. I say to all the husbands out there, “Thank THE LORD for our wives!” because if not for my wife, I wouldn’t have realized that I was breaking generational curses by supplanting them with new ones. I was so happy to have a little version of me who would grow up loving what I did without dealing with an emotionally inept father; I was brushing over how my anger would show when he did something wrong. Not considering that he is a child without experience discerning right from wrong. God has tasked me with listening, teaching, and guiding him with the help of scripture to understand the difference. I thank God for his mercy in teaching me to do these things in a way that glorifies his name.

“Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged.” -Colossians 3:21-

My wife would always ask me why I would get so angry when things didn’t go how I liked. I didn’t know the answer until many years later, but I learned to curve that anger by repeating my favorite verse -Joshua 24:15- which reminds me that I don’t have to choose anger because I’ve chosen God. By my second son’s birth, I had become better at guiding with love instead of frustration and anger. That didn’t mean I was over it; it just meant it didn’t come out as much. My wife always wanted to talk through those emotions, but I didn’t want to. Through those talks and later therapy, I realized that this pent-up anger was really hurt from my childhood. A hurt that took root because I never looked to heaven for comfort and validation. I instead shelled out the same words of disappointment and disapproval that my dad used too and I would crush my sons emotionally. Remembering how that felt as a child, I realized that this can’t be man I want to be for their sake; I had to change. With the LORD’s help and constant convictions, I was able to.

I was envious of people on TV who had fathers that were always involved and giving words of encouragement. I wanted that so bad, and I didn’t receive that from my earthly father until very recently. On the other hand, my father in heaven has never left me feeling unwanted or unloved. In spite of how I grew up God has made me into a man who can understand what it means to be a loving father. Through my 12 years of being a dad I’ve witnessed amazing progress in the relationship between my sons and me. Is it always sunshine and rainbows? Of course not, but who I am as a father now is miles beyond where I was. Gods fathering techniques are second to none, and I’m glad that he left me a blueprint to follow.

As always, thank you for taking the time to read this post; you are loved and appreciated. Parenting is a tough job for anyone, especially in a world that’s becoming more confusing every minute. Holding firm to what God has told us about parenting, we can rest assured that it is one the most important things we’ll do on this side of heaven. Take heart, brothers, and sisters for the Lord is with us!! Be blessed and keep chasing God’s Way/ve.